Yeah, no. Lol. This is a more serious post.
Anyways, I was just lurking through an old friends Facebook page and I came back to a post where she graduated last year and made a post. I kept reading it because it was so long and I found a list of names that she said she wouldn’t tag. The list contained my name, my brothers, and a few other bad influences that she and my brother hung out with. The post continued to state some things about good and bad times, trust, heart breaks, good times, bad times, etc and how she would never forget the impact we made on her life. I’m thinking ‘how the hell did I end up on a list of untagged bad influences?’ I know it sounds bad especially because my brother is on that list (that’s another story but there’s its reasons). I don’t quite understand how I was a bad influence on her. I mean, I’m stunned. I wasn’t the bad type. I had my moments like any other teen, and my attitudes but I’ve never tried to be a bad person and I’m not. I have had my fair share of reasons for doing the things that I have done these past 3 years. I wish I could share those things with you but I am not ready to go back to that deep dark personal part of my life, I’m still trying to cope with the things I’ve gone through. But seriously, you haven’t even spoken to me and you can post something with my name on it like that and then see me when I move back here and smile in my face??
I have gotten my feelings hurt a lot because of what I’ve had to do to protect myself and my family. Not only emotionally but physically and mentally. It makes me sad that I can’t speak of the unspoken. I’ve left it in Gods hands. I’ve lost friendships, relationships, trust, I’ve broken that bond I have with some people but its like I said before, I did what I had to do. I’m not sorry for trying to protect my life from danger.
But to all the people that I used to be friends with: that friendship has died and I wish it hadn’t. You spoke of me behind my back without trying to help me or understand me after 7 years of friendship. I trusted you and you betrayed me.
To my biological family: I may have betrayed you the most but never did you take the time to try to understand what was going on. And instead of reaching out to me for once, you left me to fend for myself, turned me away, blocked me, and called me a fake sibling. I trusted you and you betrayed me.
To my exes: you have looked me in the eyes and lied, stolen from me, cheated on me, manipulated me, knew my story and still continued to drag me down. I trusted you and you betrayed me.
To the people who don’t know me: you hear things about me and you talk about me as if you know me. You don’t. You don’t pay my bills, feed me, put clothes on my back or a roof over my head. I could care less about your opinions. This is to the Walmart girls that I didn’t even know that said my name when I was getting in my car and laughed while staring at me.
Go ahead and laugh. Go ahead and talk. Everybody is going through their own things. But, the things that I’ve been through are the things that I will never wish on anybody.
I’m glad that I have no friends and that I’ve seen everybody’s true colors. I’ve made my mistakes and did my things but nobody heard my cry for help. I am me because of these things and I’m in a good place right now. However, I hope that in the future you all stop to think before you act, know the situation before you judge. Be aware of your surroundings. Speak up don’t speak about. (You can tell a big difference in my pictures of my face the past 3 years and now- big difference!)
Your actions are the things that speak the loudest about who you are.
Even though this is all the past, I can’t forget about all of these people who had a negative influence on my life. I’m sorry if you felt like I was a negative influence in yours but shit happens and we grow and move on from it.
Be careful out there. Everybody’s quick to stab you in the back.